Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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