I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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