How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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