Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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