What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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