I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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