Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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