I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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