i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
