I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
