In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think your dad took our porno
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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