i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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