You're earring is so big in my mouth
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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