After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
