The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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