just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
