I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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