saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do vagina's smell?
two words: eviction party
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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