the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize