My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
