There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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