i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
