Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
