I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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