We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
