STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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