i would punch a child for taco bell
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
