just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
