I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
