so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
