you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
