I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
