I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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