I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
