last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize