If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
even my farts smell like vagina
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
