party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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