...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
