there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
