My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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