We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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