we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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