I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
