I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
