Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
