There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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