hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
