1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
