its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
