Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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