weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
