Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
