I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
