He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
