Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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