wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
