I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
