I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it because I queefed?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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