dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
