he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
