"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
