I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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