hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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