I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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