I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
