I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
