You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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