She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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