Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
